In Memoriam

On the night of 18 February, 2009, my unit was packed into a terminal at Bagram Airbase, waiting to board the flight that would take us on our first leg home. We had cleared customs and gone through all the administrative rigamarole involved in the large movement of troops, and were spraweled about, reading, watching movies on the terminal widescreen televisions, dozing, playing cards, chatting; in general waiting. At about 2300 (I don't recall the time exactly) we were ordered out of the terminal down to the road that enters onto the runway. There was a fallen comrade ceremony. There was quite a bit of grumbling and grousing, but everybody filed out and lined both sides of the road. Many of us lacked the required reflective belt (mandated to be worn by all personnel during times of limited visibility) and joked that maybe the MPs would bust us on our way home. Then everybody quieted down as the headlights made the turn at Four Corners and headed our way. One after another, going down the line on either side of the roadm we snapped to attention and offered our salute as the flag-draped coffin laden HMMVWs slowly passed. Our last opportunity to pay our respects to the fallen prior to departing Afghanistan. Like us, our brothers were going home. Their loved ones were waiting for them too. Their arrival, much like ours, would be greeted with tears and flowers. But instead of joy, these would be tears of sorrow, lament, anguish.

Today is a very difficult day for me. Being a soldier I used to hate the fact that I had never served in combat. It was difficult for me to be safe at home with my family, getting fat and having a good time, while my brothers and sisters were in harms way. I wanted to have the Campaign ribbon on my chest, the patch on my right shoulder. Then I would be able to feel like I had arrived, I had done my part.

The truth is, now it is far harder than it was before. Deployment was hard. Very very hard at times. However there is something special about having a singularity of purpose. There is a strength and comfort in knowing what your duty is, and believing you have the resources and training necessary to do what has to be done. If you don't have the resources, you know you can make do. Every minute of every day is about protecting those with whom you serve. I sometimes miss that singlemindedness, that clarity of purpose.

I watched the National Memorial Concert last night. My bishop told me about it and said that it is about the only thing he watches every year. So I tuned in. It was incredible. It renewed my focus, reminded me why I serve.

It is sometimes easy for the introspective and reflective among us to get caught up in ideologies and policies. And that is important. However, I realized that that is not a soldier's lot. While I do and will disagree with some of the decisions politicians make, that is not my realm. It is not my concern. My job is to uphold the Constitution of the United States, and defend freedom.

One of the pieces performed last night at the concert was the Battle Hymn of the Republic. I love that song. There is one verse that sums up the reason why I chose to serve, my ultimate ideology.


In the beauty of the lilies Christ was born across the sea,
With a glory in His bosom that transfigures you and me:
As He died to make men holy, let us die to make men free,
While God is marching on.


I joined the Army because I believe there is good to be done in this world. I believe that men and women must be free. Last night reminded me that regardless of policy, I know why I serve. I don't know why, but I have been blessed with so much. I cannot be active in trying to improve the world for the less fortunate.