Perfection

I am a perfectionist. Those of you who know me may not really realize it. I am not necessarily all that great or thorough in many of the things I do. Therefore I will give my personal insights on perfectionism.

I think that perfectionism is almost like a disease. I suppose it would be more of a mental ailment. When strictly harnessed and reined in it can be a very useful tool. When uncontrolled it can be a destructive monster.

There are, in my opinion, three categories of perfectionist. The first is the one who is totally driven by a compulsion to be as absolutely perfect at something as is possible. Not necessarily as is humanly possible, but as is possible. These are the people who are so wrapped up in the pursuit of perfection in whatever area they feel the compulsion that they neglect the other aspects of their life. They endlessly pursue learning or fitness or the perfect body, often to the detriment of family or work or even health. These people are incredibly successful in very specific aspects of their lives, but they are discontent in their successes. Since perfection is ultimately unattainable they fail. Their drive for perfection destroys them.

There is a second category of people who have a drive for perfection who are able use that drive to progress and grow and attain their goals. They are able to use their desire to attain perfection to the degree that they are extremely successful in what they do. At the same time they are able to put things into a more healthy perspective than the first group, and therefore they have healthier relationships and happier lives. These types of perfectionists are just as driven as the first group, but they are able to, if not accept limits, at least acknowledge them.

I fit into the third category. It is a category of people who are compelled to be perfect in everything they do, but they fear that they will fail in any pursuit they might attempt so they don't try. Their fear of failure is greater than their need to excel. They are often successful to a degree, but they fall far short of their. Where those in the first group of perfectionists eventually burn out, those in the last group atrophy.

Thus I am a perfectionist. I could spend a great deal of time listing the things that I have not done or attempted in my life because I fear I will not succeed. I don't really think I can appropriately it as a fear of failure so much a fear of not excelling. For people like me it is not enough to be good, or okay, or adequate. We have to be great, and the possibly of not attaining greatness is staggering.

It is essentially a case of ego. The problem is, I don't know how to fix the situation. I really feel a compulsion to excel. An example is that I always wanted to be a writer. I can't write though. I do not want to write something mediocre. I don't even want to write something good. It always has to be great. I get totally overwhelmed by all the details inherent in trying to create something perfect that I don't even know where to start. Writing is an exercise. In order to become a strong writer one must write and write and write and rewrite and write some more until there is an outline of something good, and then write some more. My struggle is that every word must be perfect the first time. Each sentence strong. My ego will not let me write something that is not the best, but I realize that is not likely possible, so I do not write.

Pathetic, I know. But how does one go about facilitating a complete mental transformation? How does one overcome such a fundamental personality flaw.